Today, I want to focus on the sneaky ways narcissists get supply from us. As nothing they get is ever enough, it’s no surprise that they are always seeking ways to boost their egos and validate their existence. Knowing all of the narcissists’ ways of getting supply is very important, as the last thing we want to do is be enabling and validating them.
Something else I want to touch on is what one of my readers wanted me to talk about, which is how we end up becoming their counselors, their agony aunts who resolve their problems and uplift them. This will fit into today’s topic, so please be sure to stay with me until the end.
So, what is narcissistic supply?
It’s basically the excessive attention or admiration that the narcissist craves. Just like a car needs fuel to keep going, the narcissist needs this supply to maintain their narcissistic selves. Without it, they cannot cope, so they try every possible way to get it.
When a covert narcissist steps out of their house to present themselves to the world, a lot of effort and thought goes into their choice of dress, their walk, their talk, and their facial expressions. It’s a performance for all who cross their path, and they have perfected it. Given the amount of work that goes into creating that false persona, it’s no wonder that the narcissist expects praise for it. They don’t just want to hear how good they look or how smart they are; they need to hear it. They need that validation.
Recommended Book: How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse (A Guide To Narcissistic Abuse Recovery And Healing From A Narcissistic Relationship)
Fishing For Compliments.
One of the major sneaky ways that a narcissist gets that extra supply is by fishing for compliments. There are three ways a narcissist can fish for compliments, so I’ll go through those first, and then I’ll talk about what it means when the narcissist is very complimentary of you.
1. By talking bad about themselves so others can build them up.
The first way a narcissist can fish for compliments is by speaking poorly about themselves so that others can build them up. It’s known as self-deprecation, where they undermine their own accomplishments, looks, etc., for others to reassure and affirm them. For example, after spending hours in a salon getting the perfect hairdo, in order to make sure you recognize and compliment them, they would draw attention to their hair and give the impression that they’re not happy with the style. However, this is far from the truth, as the narcissist would have put a lot of thought and effort into it to ensure it suits them. This is just their way of baiting you in because what often follows is that we end up reassuring them and telling them how fantastic they look. They can use this tactic for various things to get others to compliment them.
Read More: 10 Ways to Scare a Narcissist Out of Your Life.
2. By putting themselves in positions where compliments come with the territory.
The second way narcissists can fish for compliments is by putting themselves in positions where compliments come with the territory. This includes activities like raising money for charity, participating in charity runs, and helping the less fortunate in public arenas. Basically, the narcissist engages in loving and caring acts while ensuring that everyone knows about it. Behind these acts of generosity and kindness is an expectation to be recognized and complimented for their actions. This is why they need their deeds to be public; it’s all a staged act that they want applause for.
3. By giving others a compliment first.
The third way a narcissist can fish for compliments is by giving others a compliment first. There is an unwritten rule of politeness that says if someone compliments you, you should compliment them back. The narcissist exploits this rule and gives insincere compliments to receive compliments in return. If someone does not observe this rule, the narcissist will stop giving that person compliments, as they know they will not get anything back in return.
Okay, those are the three ways in which a narcissist can fish for compliments. It’s sneaky, and their intentions may not be obvious, which is why many narcissists employ these tactics.
For More: 7 Ways To Get A Narcissist To Respect You.
But what does it mean when a narcissist keeps complimenting you?
It’s simple: they want something from you. They either want to infiltrate your circle of friends, or they want something tangible. Because when narcissists fall on hard times or need advice, they usually know who to turn to. So, they start warming themselves up to that person, usually by being very complimentary. Then, they step into the victim role of being helpless or desperate, and this is when you find out what they really want. After building you up and playing nice, they now pretend to be the victim that you need to save. But keep in mind that their compliments were insincere; it was just to soften you up so that you would give them the help they need when they ask for it.
Read More: 8 Sneaky Things Narcissists Do to Get You Back.
Once they get the assistance they need, be it money, advice, affirmation, or encouragement, and the issues are resolved, you are then kicked to the curb until the next time they fall into dire straits. But these are cycles that we need to observe and be mindful of because narcissists are predictable. So, the formula will always be the same, and they will keep coming back if you keep falling for their insincere compliments and if you keep feeling sorry for them.
The solution to this is quick and easily solved with one word: the word is “No.” Say no to the narcissist. It may cause a narcissistic injury, but it’s the best way to get rid of them. It’s interesting that these types of narcissists always want help, but when it’s their turn to offer assistance, they are filled with excuses.
Related: 10 Things Only Narcissists Say to You.
You may probably be wondering, but how does the narcissist get supply in this instance?
Well, every time you fall for their trap, the narcissist’s ego is boosted. When you show them pity, they get supply. When you feel sorry for them, they get supply. When their lies are believed, that’s a tinkler for the narcissistic tank. When they get from you what they were after, that fills up their narcissistic tank to the brim.
The narcissist loves to manipulate and then see their lies and tactics come together and their goals achieved. It brings a smile to their face and a pep to their step. No consideration is given to anything or anyone; their need for supply is all that matters to them. The ways narcissists get supply are not always obvious, as I said before, but it’s something they seek after daily, every minute of the day. So, don’t ever be fooled into thinking that they are ever sincere or modest.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
And also, there are those people. Some are narcissists, and some are not, but they seek attention by always looking for a pity party. It gets tiring after a while; it seems like they are always looking for something to be depressed about. Those types of people really lower the vibration of the people around them. So, if you know someone like that, avoid them. You need to keep your spirit and energy high.
Anyway, to wrap this up, just remember to watch out for those narcissists who are smoothly looking to top up their narcissistic tanks by fishing for compliments. Also, be wary of those who suddenly compliment you, as they are just looking to take advantage of your kindness and validate their existence. As always, I look forward to hearing your thoughts, so please leave me a comment below.
Read More: 6 Weird Habits of a Covert Narcissist.
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