5 Bizarre Hoovering Tactics of a Narcissist

5 Bizarre Hoovering Tactics of a Narcissist


A narcissist tries to Hoover their way back into your life through direct ways, such as persuading you to give them one more chance and forgiving them. But when these do not work, they upgrade their ways and use some not-so-obvious methods that do not look like hoovering, and you easily fall into their trap. To prevent that from happening, let’s learn about these mysterious hoovering tactics in this today’s topic.

In today’s article, we’ll be talking about five bizarre and unpredictable methods a narcissist uses to hoover you.

Hovering Attempt 1: They Might Flip the Situation Around.

You may receive provocative messages like, “Did you call me?” or “Did you talk about me with so and so?” These messages may come from their number or an unknown number, and the aim of these messages is to provoke a reaction in you, to make you wonder what’s happening. They try to get you to wonder what is going on – when did I do that, who could that be? You, being a non-narcissist, do not see it as a trick. You either say, “No, I didn’t” or “Why would I?” That is what a narcissist wants to happen – they need that tiny opening to re-enter your life.

Related: 10 Things Narcissists Will Always Do.

You might also seek an answer or clarification, like, “Where did you get this number from?” or “Who are you?” and so on. That is what the narcissist needs you to do. The moment you seek clarification, the narcissist tries to play with words and get back into your head, to make a meter out of an inch. They may slowly ask triggering yet emotional questions like, “How are you doing now?” or “Have you moved on?” or “I miss you so much.” You slowly and unknowingly lose yourself to their manipulation.

Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.

Hovering Attempt 2: They Pretend to Be Concerned About You.

Another tactic is that they pretend to be concerned about you or take advantage of a crisis. Let’s say one of your loved ones has passed away or there’s a forest fire or outbreak of something in your area. They will reach out and say things like, “Are you safe? Do you have food? Do you need anything? How are your children doing?” They may pretend to be the husband, the partner, the wife, the boyfriend, or the parent they never used to be or never tried to be when you were with them.

Read More: 10 Types Of People Narcissists Respect.

Out of fear and pain, you may feel touched by their shallow words, and that is when you get vulnerable. They use that vulnerability against you to move back in, and you are not to be blamed because, in a crisis, we need and seek support. We’d prefer to live on the streets than take help from a narcissist. They do not do anything without expecting something in return.

Hovering Attempt 3: They Will Send a Random Message.

This one is the stealthiest and very hard to recognize. You may receive a random message like an address of some place or instructions on where and how to deliver a product, or an arbitrary appointment to confuse you. The message may say something along the lines of, “I miss you. So are we going to meet today at 4?” You’ll naturally feel angry and reply, “Why the hell would I do that? Why the hell would I meet you?” Their follow-up message would say, “Oh, I’m sorry. That wasn’t meant for you. It was a mistake,” insinuating they were referring to someone else, someone who has replaced you in their life.

A Book: How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse (A Guide To Narcissistic Abuse Recovery And Healing From A Narcissistic Relationship).

They want you to feel abandoned and let the pain of abandonment bypass your critical thinking and objectivity. Once that happens, they make their way back into your life and blame everything on you. The point here is, nothing a narcissist says is meaningless. Everything that comes out of the mouth of such a person has a strategy backing it up.

Hovering Attempt 4: They Will Give You Everything You Have Ever Asked For.

The narcissist will pretend to be emotional if they see you are thinking of leaving them or you won’t ever come back. They will show you the nice side they showed you at the beginning of the relationship. They may show that niceness and decency they never showed when you were in the relationship.

For More: 7 Ways to Confuse a Narcissist.

If you are trauma-bonded, things get worse and more challenging to handle. Your cognitive dissonance and attachment with them pull you in, and you are back into the relationship, repeating the same cycle once more. Your logic gets fogged by their facade, and the whole cycle of narcissistic abuse repeats itself. Always remember, a narcissist can never truly express emotions except anger because every other emotion is suppressed deep down in the chambers of their rotten self.

Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.

Hovering Attempt 5: They Pretend to Be in a Major Crisis.

Out of nowhere, you may get a message from a stranger or a friend of the narcissist saying that the narcissist is critically injured, they have met an accident, and they are not doing well. You will be panicked into breaking the no contact because the person will say the narcissist needs immediate assistance and only you can provide that. Every human who has empathy would get concerned and reach out to help. You rush to rescue them, only to find out it is a trap. The narcissist knows your soft spots and doesn’t hesitate to weaponize your sympathy against you.

Read More: 5 Explanations On How The Mind of A Narcissist Works.

If this doesn’t work, they may threaten unaliving themselves, and if you want to stop them, you have to see them or give them one more chance. If you’re facing this kind of situation currently, I would like you to know that it’s not your responsibility to stop someone from doing what they are adamant about doing. It is a manipulation tactic, and they do not harm themselves in most cases. They do the opposite. They always harm you.

In Conclusion: They use all the ways and techniques to keep you under their thumb. Your job is to stay no contact in every possible situation and never break it, no matter what happens. You have to see them for who they are, to predict and understand their nasty mind games. I hope what I have discussed so far has helped you become aware and empowered. With that, let’s bring this article to an end. I’ll talk with you in the next one. Until then, let the healing begin and continue.

Read More: 8 Things Narcissists Don’t Get Over.

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