Number 7: Arguments Run in Circles.
This one is always fun. Your arguments with this person are absolutely maddening. Let’s say your partner did something wrong; it’s a clear-cut case where they did something they should not have done in a relationship, and you caught them doing it, and you’re just trying to get them to admit that they did something so you can move on and maybe have more productive conversations. But getting a narcissist to admit that they’re wrong is not an easy task, so a lot of people will tell you it’s impossible.
It’s not impossible; actually, the covert narcissist is more likely to apologize, but they don’t mean it. And you will soon see that they don’t mean it. And that brings me to number eight:
Number 8: Insincere Apologies.
Apologies don’t last long. No matter what it is, if the person you’re with is a covert narcissist, again, they may apologize, but that apology is not going to last. So they may retract it, or they may act like it never happened. If an emotionally healthy person apologizes for something, for hurting your feelings—“I’m sorry I did that thing; I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”—they’re gonna try not to do it again. The covert narcissist might say, “Oh, I’m so sorry,” but they’re gonna do it again and again and again. They may be sincerely sorry that they did something because now they’re facing the consequences of it, but they’re not actually sorry that they hurt your feelings.
This is where it causes problems for the other person because you may have gotten an apology from somebody, and it really felt sincere; it felt like they meant it, and they did mean it. But what they meant was, “I’m sorry I did that because now I’m not getting what I want.”
Number 9: Worried Your Partner is Cheating When You’re Apart.
You feel especially insecure when you’re not physically with this person, and this is because narcissists lack something that’s called object constancy. What that means for you is that when they’re not physically in front of you, they don’t maintain those same feelings for you as they do when they’re with you. And this is what contributes to the narcissist cheating a lot of times. But that’s how you’ll see it.
When you’re not with this person, you feel like maybe they’re off with somebody else; they’re not paying attention to you, you’re not getting texts and calls and things like that. Or maybe they even take it so far that they break up with you. It’s just that feeling will present as a feeling of insecurity when you are away from each other for any length of time.
Read More: 5 S£xµal Secrets a Narcissist Doesn’t Want You to Know.
Number 10: Extreme Selfishness.
People don’t do anything for you unless they want something from you. Until you understand covert narcissism and what drives them to hurt people, really, it can be a little difficult to see that what they want from you, in some cases, is your affection and your admiration. So it may seem like it’s sincere; they’re really just feeding off of you. But if they don’t need anything from you, and if they don’t want anything from you, they’re not going to do anything for you.
There’s kind of a funny little quirk that I’ve noticed myself, and I’ve seen a lot of people have noticed it too; maybe you can relate. When you live with a covert narcissist, it’s so common—they’re not gonna really do housework. Maybe here and there, again, if they need something; if they need to butter you up for something, then yeah, maybe. But in most cases, they’re not going to do their fair share. So the other person ends up doing laundry all the time, right? And again, I’ve heard the same thing so many times. So the other person does the laundry all the time; if they stop doing it, the narcissist will do only a load of his or her clothes. I’ve heard it with women. I’ve heard it with men. I’ve experienced it myself.
And should you do the same, they will throw an absolute fit. They will attack your character; they’ll call you petty. It’s actually very comical, but again, the narcissist—whatever it is, if you can relate to the laundry thing or not—they’re not gonna do anything for you unless they’re getting something from you.
Recommended Book: How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse.
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