Number 11: Losing Your Sense of Self.
This is common for victims of all types of emotional abuse at the hands of the covert narcissist or anyone else, but especially with a covert narcissist, because the abuse is very subtle. Sometimes it’s difficult to label it as abuse. So the best way to tell if you’re in this type of relationship is to gauge your own feelings. How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself in this relationship? Do you feel like you love yourself? You can compare how you felt before getting into this relationship about yourself—not about this other person, but about yourself—and how you feel today. Are you confident? Are you happy as a person? And if you’re with a covert narcissist, in most cases, the answer is going to be no.
I personally was in a better place before I got into this relationship, and that’s a major red flag, whether it’s a covert narcissist or someone else that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.
For More: 3 Facial Clues That Expose a Narcissist.
Number 12: Partner Isn’t Emotionally Supportive.
Your partner is not a very good emotional support system, and this is an important part of being in a relationship, right? It’s kind of what we’re in relationships for, to some level: to have somebody who can be your emotional support when you need it, and so you can do that for them as well. But because the narcissist lacks emotional empathy, they’re just not very good at it. They can fake it a lot of the time, honestly; they can be very good at faking it. But when you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, there are gonna be times when the mask slips, and they don’t want to fake it. They’re just not gonna fake it.
And it could be something very severe; maybe somebody in your family passed away, and you can tell this person just doesn’t care. Maybe they spend two minutes talking to you about it and try to change the subject, or maybe they just don’t want to deal with your emotions, and they start an argument with you so they can walk away.
Suggested Book: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
Number 13: At War With Your Intuition.
If you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you are at war with your own intuition. There’s no other way, because your gut is telling you something’s off. Your gut is telling you that this person’s actions and words are not aligned. But because you feel like you love this person, you choose to trust their words, and that goes against your gut feeling and your intuition. So you have no choice; you’re suppressing your intuition if you’re in one of these relationships.
Covert narcissism is so, so dangerous because the person you’re dealing with may seem very insecure. And then you wonder, when you step back and think about it, you wonder how could this person, who’s so insecure, be so hurtful to me? You would think that somebody who’s insecure would understand and be a little bit more empathetic to another person’s needs. But it’s part of the disorder; they cannot feel that empathy towards you. And these relationships inevitably end up with one person being emotionally abused.
The best way, probably the only way, to get yourself back once you realize that you’re in this is to find your way out. Now, I want to hear from you. Do you think you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist? Or have you been? Have you noticed any signs that I haven’t mentioned here? I’d love to hear about them, so let me know in the comments.
Read More: Narcissists’ 7 Favorite Catchphrases.
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