3. LOVE BOMBING
The third sign that you might be on a date with a narcissist is that you get the sense that they’re suddenly head over heels. They’re talking about things that are way beyond your comfort level with this person. They’re trying to make it feel like you’ve known them forever, like your best friends, like your soulmate, like you’re destined to be together.
And on this first date, they might even be planning a future together. It might not be so obvious as talking about getting married. It might just be talking about doing things as if you’re a couple when you’ve really only just met. So it’s kind of that feeling of jumping the gun, but getting a little bit too close, too fast.
I have kind of a similar example that illustrates this, I think, pretty well. This was years ago when I was attempting online dating. I had met somebody online, and we decided that we were going to meet up in person. And we exchanged a few messages back and forth. Because of my schedule, we couldn’t meet right away, but it really felt like this person latched on. Like, I didn’t know of him at all yesterday, but today I’m getting a text, “Good morning.” I’m getting a text, “Good night.” I’m getting five texts in between them. We haven’t even met in person yet. And more than that, I’m getting the sense that he’s getting frustrated that I’m not texting back fast enough. It can feel overwhelming.
So, to recap the red flags: instant attachment, pretending they know you better than they do, or acting like they know you better than they do, and using actions and words that imply that you’re already in a committed relationship. Saying things like, “I miss you,” when you didn’t even know this person a week earlier.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, this is what’s often called love bombing. It’s a phase of the relationship where they rush intimacy to get you to let your guard down. And once you do, that’s when the devaluation phase begins, and then eventually, the discard.
Related: Narcissist Favorite Text Messages.
4. BLATANT LIES OR EMBELLISHMENTS
They might tell you stories that just really don’t add up. They don’t make sense, but somehow, they make the person you’re on a date with look really good. But if you’re doing the online dating thing, which I think a lot of people are doing now, one of the biggest red flags is that their profile does not match who they are. So when you meet them, you find out that they lied on their profile. Maybe they used an older picture, or maybe they said things that weren’t true.
People who are highly narcissistic can be very impulsive, and they don’t necessarily think through consequences. So if they’re trying to get their way, they’re going to get their way. They’re going to use any means possible. Lying is something that’s going to come naturally to them. They’ll lie, and they won’t necessarily think about the consequences. They won’t think about having to answer for it later.
As long as they can get that date, as long as they can get that foot in the door, then they might be likely to think that they can charm their way into your heart or into your life. And we always wonder why people think this is going to work, right? Why do people catfish? Why do people use a completely different profile picture and then show up looking like themselves and expect that the other person isn’t going to have an issue with it or think it’s a little bit off?
But we have to remember that the mind of a narcissist, or a highly manipulative person, is going to be very different from the mind of somebody who’s not a narcissist or a manipulative person. Instead of using logic and reason, what they’re doing is trying to see, “What can I get? How far can I push to get what I want?” And so logic and reason often don’t even factor into that equation at all. So, some red flags: telling extravagant stories where they’re the hero, telling little white lies that you can tell are obvious lies, and lying on a dating profile or even admitting openly to lying to other people.
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