Leaving a narcissist can be one of the most challenging things you can ever experience. This is because you’re leaving not only them, but also their toxic behavior and manipulation, as well as a shadow that follows you through life. Narcissistic abuse is like warfare; it takes much guile and planning just to get out alive. How do you survive when you are involved with a narcissist? How do you successfully leave a narcissist?
Here are 10 things you should do to finally leave a narcissist:
Number 1: Never tell them that you’re leaving.
If you’re leaving a narcissist, here’s what not to do: never tell them that you’re leaving. Why? Because they will hold on to your relationship like it’s a life raft and they are drowning in the ocean. They will beg and plead with you to stay, promising to change and become a better person if only given one more chance. And if you listen to them, you’re just setting yourself up for more pain down the road. That is why it’s always best to just disappear without a trace.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and they’ll use any information they can get their hands on to try and keep you in their orbit. They will use every trick in their book to keep you around, even if it means ruining your life. If possible, leave when the narcissist is asleep or otherwise occupied so they don’t have time to react to your departure. Narcissists thrive on drama, so giving them even the most minor closure can make it easier for them to continue manipulating you even after you’re gone.
Number 2: Be prepared and create a safety plan.
If you are leaving a narcissist, you have to be prepared. You should be ready for the possibility that they will try to manipulate, lie, and gaslight you until you return to them. That’s why it’s crucial to have a safety plan in place before you leave. Narcissists are not used to people leaving them and will do anything to keep you in the relationship. It’s important to be aware of this and prepare yourself for what might happen when you decide it’s time to go.
First, you should ensure you have somewhere safe to go if things get terrible. This could be a friend or family member who lives nearby or just an emergency shelter where no one knows who you are or why you’re there. It also helps to have emergency cash so that when things get terrible, there’s always something available that can help you get out safely if necessary.
Number 3: Reconnect with your family and friends.
You might not be able to leave your narcissist immediately, but you can start planning your escape. Try reconnecting with your family and friends. When you’re with them, narcissists are experts at isolating you from the people you love, so it’s essential to reconnect with them now. Call or email your parents, siblings, and best friends as soon as possible. Tell them how much you’ve missed them, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It’s okay to lean on them. You’re going through a rough time from the narcissist’s treatment.
Connecting with your family and friends will help you heal. If you felt like you don’t have time for them lately, don’t worry. You’ll make time for them as soon as you leave the narcissist. You’ll feel better about yourself as soon as you do, and your family and friends will be happy to see that you’re taking care of yourself again. Reconnecting with your family and friends can help you feel like you are not alone, which is particularly important when trying to leave a narcissist.
Number 4: Remind yourself that you do not deserve to be mistreated.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation who can make you feel like you’re crazy. They make you feel guilty over things that aren’t your fault. They may also make you feel like the problem is with you. It’s easy to get caught up in a cycle of abuse with a narcissist, and it can be hard to remember that you deserve better than what you’re getting. A narcissist will never love you the way you want to be loved. They will always love themselves more than they’ll love anyone else.
A narcissist may act as if they love you to get something from you. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, not because they need something from you. And if someone can’t see that or refuses to recognize it, they don’t deserve you.
Number 5: Remember that narcissists won’t change.
Narcissists can’t change. They are who they are and like who they are. Narcissists might say they’re sorry, but it’s just a tactic to get you back into the relationship. They will continue to treat you poorly, so don’t get fooled by apologies or empty promises. Even if you are the most amazing person on Earth, the best thing that ever happened to them, they will not change their ways.
Remember that you have a choice. You can’t fix the narcissist, and you shouldn’t try. You can only leave them and then move on with your life. If you stay, you’ll be subjected to an endless cycle of broken promises and empty gestures that won’t help you. Your efforts will only lead to frustration, and you’ll feel angrier and more hurt than ever. You’ll be left feeling like your needs and concerns have been ignored by someone who only thinks about themselves.
Number 6: Log out of everything and check your phone for trackers
Making the break as final as possible is essential if you’re leaving a narcissist. This means logging out of social media, disconnecting your email account, and even checking your phone for any tracking software that might be installed. Narcissists like to keep tabs on their partners’ phones and computers, so if you have any suspicions about this happening, search your device for any apps you don’t recognize and delete them as soon as possible.
You must also change your password everywhere as soon as possible. If a narcissist has access to everything they can see on your computer or phone, they’ll be able to see all of your activity, which means they could use it against you in the future. If there is an option for two-factor authentication on your accounts, take advantage of that too. It will make it harder for anyone else to log in without permission from you first.
Number 7: Ensure to make a copy of all your important documents before leaving the narcissist.
Make a copy of all your imported documents. This means proof of employment, birth certificates, marriage certificates, and other documents filed away over the years. The narcissist may try to make it difficult for you by withholding or destroying these documents, so it’s crucial to ensure they’re protected from being destroyed. If possible, keep them somewhere safer from the prying eyes of the narcissist.
The narcissist will try to access your bank account, credit card, and other financial accounts. It’s also a good idea to make copies of bank statements and credit card bills for the last year. This will help with any financial issues that might come up in the future. You can also take photos of essential items in your house to prove ownership if the narcissist tries to take them away from you when he or she leaves.
Number 8: Cut off all contact.
This is the most critical step in the process of leaving your narcissist. Narcissists are drawn to the people who give them attention, and cutting off contact with them will be hard at first but will become easier as time goes on. You might feel like you’re giving up something valuable by cutting them off, but remember, this is an abusive relationship, and it’s not worth your time or energy to remain in it. If they call or text, don’t answer. If they show up on your phone, don’t let them in. If they try to start an argument with you while you’re out and about, just walk away and don’t engage.
Block their number and unfriend them on social media. Make sure you have no way of contacting them, and if they try to contact you, don’t respond. It’s important to remember that staying in contact with a narcissist will only enable their behavior and make it harder for you to recover from their abuse.
Number 9: Seek professional help.
One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to break up with a narcissist is believing they can do it alone. Narcissists are experts at manipulation and convincing others that they are the ones being abused by their victims. So, you must get some support from someone who can help you identify what’s happening in your relationship and how to get through it safely. If this is the case for you, seek out a counselor or a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse.
A therapist can help you navigate the process of ending a relationship with someone with a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), making leaving much easier than if you were going alone. A therapist can also help with any emotional or mental health issues that may have arisen due to an abusive relationship, like depression or anxiety, and they can provide support during the split.
Number 10: Take time for yourself and don’t let them back in.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation and control. They will use every tool at their disposal to get what they want from you, even if it means breaking down your boundaries. It’s not easy to leave a narcissist, but once you do, you must take some time for yourself and don’t let them back in. It’s so tempting to try to fix things with the narcissist. After all, it’s human nature to want to make things right. Don’t feel guilty about doing things that make you happy instead of engaging with your narcissistic ex. Go out with friends, hang out with family, go on vacation, or just take some time off from work if possible.
Before you leave a narcissist, expect to feel guilt, sorrow, and disappointment. It’s normal to feel some withdrawal symptoms as you separate from them. Remind yourself that you deserve to be loved, respected, and valued. Find someone who will treat you well, but more importantly, love yourself. See a therapist, join a support group, and practice self-compassion. A narcissist may have tried to rob you of your life and self-confidence, but never let him win by taking everything from you.
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