Number 2: Ask for more details.
Sometimes, narcissists will not get into the trouble of having real achievements to get your praise. Sometimes they will have a great idea, and they just want your opinion on that. This is very common when there is a power imbalance between the narcissist and you. For example, if it’s your boss, your narcissistic mother, or someone who wants to apply emotional manipulation over you.
In most of these cases, they will try to put you in what’s called a double bind or a no-win situation. Whatever your answer, whatever your choice, it will be bad for you. For example, a narcissistic mother wants attention and says something like, “Do you think I should change my hairstyle?”
There are two possible answers. If you say, “Yeah, I think it would be a good idea,” she will answer something like, “So you never liked my current hairstyle? Why didn’t you tell me anything about this all these years? You don’t love me anymore?” And if you say, “No, I like your current hairstyle,” she could answer, “Aw, as usual. I have made so many sacrifices since you were born, and I just wanted to change my hairstyle. I guess that’s another sacrifice I will have to make, thanks to YOU.”
Suggested Reading: When You Vanish From a Narcissist’s Life, This Happens.
You cannot win. But it can be different if you ask for more details. I understand that this could be difficult because, in these situations, it’s like walking on eggshells so you don’t trigger the anger of the narcissist. But instead of answering yes or no, instead of accepting or rejecting what they just said, you are going to ask for more details.
You answer with a question: “I don’t know… what kind of hairstyles do you like?” “Are you sure your hairdresser will know what you want?” or “Why did you change your hairstyle the last time?” If they react in any way, you just have to answer, “I’m just trying to find out how I can help you” or “I just asked you a question.”
This is very useful in the workplace. For example, your stupid boss has a very bad take like, “I think it will be a good idea if we change the whole project from A to Z.” If you say no, you’re lazy. If you say yes, well… you’re going to supervise the whole thing. You don’t answer yes or no; you just ask for more details.
“What exactly are we going to change?” “How many resources could be allocated for this?” “What do you think would be the timeframe for that?” You are apparently showing interest in their idea. But what you are really doing is overloading them with requests for details about it. Asking for details also forces people to go over all the pitfalls and weaknesses of what they just said, and even grow insecure about their own suggestion. Most of the time, they will just desist.
So, remember: never say yes or no. Play dumb and ask for more details. They will keep the illusion of control, but in reality, it’s you who are gaslighting them into doubting their own perceptions about their own ideas.
Suggested Book: How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse.
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