#3: I DON’T LIKE THE WAY YOU SAID THAT.
Again, it’s a way of projecting and deflecting. It’s attacking what you said, how you said it, when you said it, because then it’s about that. They want the conversation to not be about whatever it is that you wanted it to be about. They want to push it off into something else, that way they’re not having to take responsibility—they’ve slithered out. It’s sort of like trying to hold a fish or something; they slide out.
#4: I NEVER SAID THAT.
When they say, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” or flip it to, “We already talked about that, don’t you remember?” — that’s gaslighting. Plain and simple. It’s one of their favorite tricks. Covert narcissists especially love it, but really, they all do. They’ll say things like, “I never said that,” or, “Yes, I did say that,” just to confuse you. And they do this for one reason: control. Gaslighting weakens you. It messes with your head and makes you feel unstable, so they can stay in charge.
After a while, you start doubting your own memory. You question your own sanity. You begin to think they know better than you do. After years of this, it feels like your brain has been programmed the wrong way—almost like being in a cult.
That’s why healing takes time. Good therapy really helps, especially with a therapist who understands narcissism. I strongly recommend it.
Remember that narcissists are always about black and white. So, it’s either you’re the best person they’ve ever met, or the worst person you’ve ever met. You’re either for them or you’re against them. There’s a winner and there’s a loser, especially in negotiations. They want to come out looking like the winner. You have to remember that if you’re not going to be for them, then they definitely are going to think you’re against them, and then you become public enemy number one.
The last three things that they say are absolutes because they love to speak in absolutes.
Recommended Book: How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse.
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