Narcissists don’t show up with a warning label. They show up with charm or confidence, or with a crisis that pulls you in. Imagine you’re at a dinner party, a work event, or a family function. You might be looking for connection, hoping to feel seen, safe, or included. You might feel a little unsure of yourself or drawn to the person who seems easygoing and magnetic.
Now, flip the lens. The narcissist isn’t looking for any of that. They’re on the hunt. They walk into that same room, scanning the crowd with one thing on their mind: Who will give me what I want? And how quickly can I get it? What they want is narcissistic supply—your time, your attention, your energy. That supply props up their ego and feeds the fantasy of who they believe they are. It can come as praise, pity, emotional reactions, or power over someone else. And they can’t survive without it.
Narcissists are like sharks. They have to keep moving, keep scanning, keep fishing. If they stop, if they don’t find a target, they start to collapse from the inside out. So, every room is a new opportunity. Every person is a potential source. They’re not resting. They’re not connecting. They’re watching for openings, small signs that you’ll hand over your time, your attention, or your energy. And they’ll find out fast by pressing on one of three specific boundaries. Because to them, these aren’t yours. They’re resources, and you’re just the delivery system.
For our purposes here, let’s think of boundaries in a super simple way. A boundary is something that you can draw a line around, something that you own, like a fence around your yard. Inside the fence is yours, and outside the fence is not yours.
Related: 3 Facial Clues That Expose a Narcissist.
Behavior check #1: Time.
A narcissist is always checking to see if they can press a button and make you change your behavior. To test your time boundaries, they’ll wait until you set a small one, like you say you’re heading out, or you’re going to bed early, or you’ve gotten time off next week. Then they press—maybe with guilt, maybe with excuses, maybe with passive aggression—and they watch. They’re not testing what you say; they’re testing what you do. If you shift your schedule, delay your exit, or give in to the guilt, they learn something: that you’re someone whose time can be taken.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
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